Orji Chigozie HenryI love studying marriages. I learn something new from each couple I spend enough time with. Over the years, I’ve sat with husbands and wives through their ups and downs. I’ve witnessed relationships of all kinds, from beautiful and fairytale-like to messy and far from where they want to be.
Through it all, I’ve seen happy tears and painful arguments. Days where both people feel so connected they could burst. And days where it feels like life is throwing grenades at both people simultaneously. But what I’ve noticed most about healthy relationships is this: They aren’t determined by the good days.
The truth is, through all of my interactions with couples over the years, I’ve realized that being a good partner or wife/husband isn’t something you either know how to do or don’t. It’s a choice you make every day. It’s showing up, even on your worst days. It’s communicating with patience. It’s supporting your partner when they’re chasing their dreams. It’s respecting each other daily.
Marriage is not a fairytale. It takes time to know how to build a life with another person. Years of practicing healthy habits that will benefit your relationship down the road. There are specific choices couples make on a daily basis that allow their marriage to thrive in the long run. Small choices. Consistent choices. Choosing each other.
Things like how they talk to each other, how they react under stress, and how they continually choose each other during seasons where it might not feel natural, all of these things strengthen the relationship a little more each day.
How To Be The Best Wife
1. Make Time To Respect Each Other Every Day
Every successful relationship is built on the foundation of respect. You can’t trick, force, or fake your way into your partner respecting you. If that mutual respect isn’t there, it doesn’t matter how much you may love each other, you’re likely to struggle in your marriage.
I’ve noticed that many relationships don’t end over one big argument or issue. Instead, they crumble over time because of little instances where partners show a lack of respect.
Insults, ignoring each other’s boundaries, making selfish decisions—whatever it may be, small deposits or withdrawals of respect can create emotional distance between two people.
When you respect your partner, you value their thoughts and opinions. You listen to them when they talk. And even when you may disagree, you avoid name-calling and yelling.
You and your partner both feel emotionally safe, seen, heard, and secure enough to be your authentic selves. When respect is the foundation, it naturally strengthens communication, deepens intimacy, and builds trust.
2. Communicate Honestly, But With Patience
If I had to point to one common theme I see with couples that struggle, it would be poor communication. Whether it’s letting things linger without saying how you feel, or saying things you’ll later regret in the heat of the moment.
Healthy couples know how to speak what’s on their mind. Yet they do so in a way that holds compassion and patience above emotion and anger. It also matters how and when you communicate. Learning to confront your partner when you’re upset often leads to more fighting. Not resolving.
Instead, partners who know how to communicate effectively with each other learn when to say nothing and when to say everything. When you do say something, you know how to speak your truth without attacking your partner.
And as a result, your relationship benefits from fewer misunderstandings. Little arguments don’t turn into full-blown fights. Instead, you grow from disagreements.
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3. Encourage Your Partner’s Goals
A healthy relationship allows you and your partner to expand, not shrink. I’ve witnessed many couples who felt at their best when they supported each other in reaching goals and dreams.
Whether it be your partner’s career aspirations or some personal goals they’ve been wanting to reach, showing up for each other in times of doubt can encourage your partner to reach new heights.
Another thing I’ve observed in healthy relationships is both partners continue to grow as individuals. You don’t lose yourself completely in your partner, but you continue to grow together.
When you support each other and allow each other to grow, you’ll both feel like you can’t help but admire and love your partner even more.
4. Create a Peaceful Home
Life is stressful enough as it is. Which is why I’ve noticed the most successful couples make it a point to create a home life that brings peace and comfort to both partners.
This doesn’t mean you never fight or argue. But you know how to keep your cool and handle conflict like adults.
You value each other enough to keep your relationship peaceful. As much as possible.
5. Stay Emotionally Connected
On top of spending time with your partner, healthy relationships require you to stay emotionally connected. That means finding small ways to stay involved in each other’s lives, even when life is busy.
Check in with how their day was. Share how you’re feeling with each other. Create space to be vulnerable.
Emotional connection doesn’t have to be complicated. Simple texts throughout your day or asking questions about how your partner is feeling can go a long way.
When you feel emotionally connected to your partner, you feel secure. Loved. Valued. That emotional connection could be what helps your relationship stay strong during tough times.
6. Don’t Neglect Physical Affection
As cliche as it sounds, human beings need physical touch. Whether that be through holding hands, hugs, sitting close to each other, etc.
Touch is powerful and can do wonders for maintaining closeness within your relationship.
Even if you’re in a phase where things feel “routine” between you and your partner, try to prioritize physical touch when you can.
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7. Forgive Each Other
Arguments and conflicts are inevitable. You will mess up, say something you regret, and your partner will too. But what sets healthy relationships apart is their ability to forgive.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened. But you don’t let your partner’s mistake or misunderstanding become a tool for your future arguments. You forgive each other and continue to move forward.
Doing this allows you and your partner to build a sense of emotional strength within your relationship. Small arguments or issues won’t poison your relationship because you know how to resolve things and let go.
8. Handle Finances Together
Arguing about money is one of the leading causes of issues in relationships. What I’ve learned from couples that handle money well is they view their finances as “ours.”
Instead of one person paying for things and the other saving, you both understand and agree on where your money is going each month.
You talk about what you’re spending and have a mutual understanding.
Couples that are great with finances also tend to have trust, transparency, and respect for each other.
9. Keep Growing
When one person stops growing, your relationship suffers. It’s something I’ve noticed about the couples who make it the longest. They constantly seek ways to better themselves.
Whether that be reading more books, learning about their emotional intelligence, or advancing in their career. They find ways to grow as an individual.
When you and your partner grow individually, you’ll continue to grow together.
You’ll have new things to talk about. You’ll expand each other’s perspectives. And it brings a sense of excitement to your relationship because you and your partner aren’t stagnant.
10. Pray, Reflect, or Set Goals Together
Relationships are built on intimacy. You can have all the passion in the world for your partner but, if you’re not spending time building your relationship, you’ll drift apart.
Whether you want to pray, meditate, or sit down and set goals for the future, when you make time to check-in with each other, you’re creating a chance to grow closer.
When couples allow themselves to get lost in every detail of their day-to-day life, they may forget what their relationship is really about. They start taking each other for granted.
Praying together or continuing to check in with each other forces you to remain aligned with what your relationship is and where you want it to go.
Conclusion
You don’t have to be perfect husband or wife. You just have to be consistent.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned about relationships it’s that when two people want it enough they will communicate, work on themselves, and work on their relationship.
There will be hard times, but everyday you and your partner make small decisions to respect each other, be patient with each other, and kind to each other.
You choose to put in the effort, that relationship will blossom into something amazing. Remember, marriage is a long journey. But if you build your marriage on love, respect, and togetherness, it’s worth the ride.
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