Orji Chigozie HenryWondering if someone likes you back can be nerve-wracking, exciting, and downright heartbreaking. We tend to hope for the best while wondering if the person you like sees you in that way too. But the reality is sometimes a person you like won’t ever see you as more than a friend. If you catch on early that he doesn’t see you romantically, you’ll save your heartache, time, and energy. While learning someone doesn’t reciprocate your romantic feelings is never fun, looking for these signs can help you accept it gracefully with self-respect and compassion.
Signs He Only Sees You as a Friend
1. He Talks About Other Girls All The Time
If he is consistently talking about other girls he likes, goes on dates with, or has a crush on, it’s a strong indicator he isn’t thinking about you that way. Hearing him mention other girls won’t hurt his feelings, but it might break yours. He’ll likely say these things without hesitation because he’s comfortable with you, not to make you jealous or upset.
Try not to take it personally if he talks about other girls. Let this be a sign for you to put a boundary on getting too invested.
2. He Treats You Like Any Other Girl
If he talks to you the way he does any other female friend, co-worker, or family member, he likely only sees you as a friend. There’s no extra flirty conversations or requests to spend private time with you one-on-one. He spends time with you, but it’s casual and comfortable rather than romantic.
Take notice of how he behaves around girls he is romantically interested in. It can help you identify how he treats someone who he likes as a friend.
3. His Physical Contact with You is Friendly
If the majority of the physical contact he gives you is friendly hugs, high-fives, pats on the back, and other casual touches, he likely sees you as a friend. Casual contact is normal and healthy between friends. If he was into you romantically, you’d notice subtle differences. He may brush up against you slightly, stay close after hugs, or find reasons to put his arm around you.
Give him the benefit of the doubt that he respects your boundary of just being friends. Also realize you deserve to have your romantic feelings reciprocated as well.
Related: 14 Clear Signs To Know He Is The Right One For You
4. He Uses We’re Friends Language
“I could never date you, you’re like sister” or “Why do you wanna date me? We’re best friends” are pretty obvious signs. It hurts to hear someone throw these statements at you when you have feelings for them, but hear him out. He’s telling you exactly where he wants to line himself up in your life emotionally: in the friend zone.
Don’t argue with him about it if he tells you explicitly you’re just friends. Hear him out and accept that this is his boundary.
5. He Doesn’t Give Romantic Compliments
He may compliment your outfit, your style, your humor, or your smarts, but he won’t give you flirty compliments. He won’t tell you that your smile turns him on or that he loves spending time with just you. The compliments he gives are most likely nice but very neutral.
Everyone deserves kindness, but don’t mistake nice comments for signs of romantic interest. Friend lust is common.
6. He Shares His Story, But Avoids Romantic Vulnerability
He may open up to you about his life struggles, past relationships, career goals, or dreams he has for the future. But he won’t share his feelings about you romantically or make you feel close to him that way. Having someone open up to you can feel like you’re on the edge of something more, especially if you have feelings for them.
Take advantage of the fact that he trusts you enough to tell you his story. Guard your heart by not letting yourself fall too far.
7. He Doesn’t Ask to Spend Private Time with Just You Two
If he only wants to hang out when there are other people around or if he doesn’t ask to spend time with you in more romantic settings, he’s probably just your friend. Taking you out to dinner, a movie, or on a walk can be innocent, but it can also be romantic. If he doesn’t ask to spend that kind of time with you, he’s most likely nervous about crossing the friend zone line.
Respect his boundaries and his comfort level. Remember that you deserve someone who wants to cross that line with you too.
Related: 10 Signs of a Cheating Partner You Should Never Ignore
8. He Asks You for Girlfriend Advice
He may come to you for advice when he’s trying to figure out what girls like, or when he wants you to set him up with other girls. Asking you for relationship advice or about your relationship experiences can be a form of testing the waters with you. But if he’s consistently doing this, he may just see you as his inbox girlfriend (girlfriend by Facebook).
Feel flattered that he confides in you, but know that you are more than someone to help him find a girlfriend.
9. He Flirts with Everyone
If he jokes around with everyone, teases everyone, and flirts with everyone, he probably views you as that everyone. Everyone can be friends with the flirtatious people in their lives. But if he pursues other girls romantically and only jokes with you, he’s just your friend. Romantic interest is subtle, but if you notice he only flirts with you, he likes you.
Pay attention to his actions over a few weeks or even months. Patterns will emerge.
10. He Invites You as a Plus One to His Future Plans
If he talks about future events, outings, concerts, vacations, etc. he always includes you as part of a group. He won’t say “let’s” or “I want to” spend time with you, he says things like “we should” take to a bunch of girls. He sees you as part of a group of friends when he thinks about future dating scenarios, not his date.
Remember that just because he wants to take you places doesn’t mean he sees you romantically. How he phrases things matters.
11. He Is Okay With You Dating Other People
He doesn’t get jealous or upset when you talk about other guys you’re seeing or like. While this may feel great for your ego at first, if he’s comfortable with you dating other people, he’s likely not hitting those buttons in return. This may be difficult to hear if you like him, but his comfort allows you to date without any guilt or confusion with him.
Use this opportunity to go date other people without feeling guilty about ruining a friendship.
12. You’re the Only One Making Plans to See Him
If you always text first, ask if he wants to hang out, and plan the logistics of your dates. He doesn’t make an effort to see you because he views spending time with you as a nice bonus, not a romantic opportunity. When you like someone and they don’t feel the same way, it can be easy to put all of your effort into them. Seeing them becomes your number one priority because you want them to feel how you feel.
Step back and analyze if the effort you’re putting into him is mutual. If someone is interested in you they will show you.
How to Handle It Gracefully
Accept Your Feelings: You may feel rejected, hurt, upset, or sad. Allow yourself to feel these emotions and don’t suppress them.
Create Distance: If he has made it clear you are nothing more than his friend, stop chasing a possible relationship.
Redirect Your Attention: Spend more time with friends who support your single status, and focus on yourself.
Talk to Him: Only if you need clarification that he doesn’t like you. But don’t badger him to change his mind.
Let Him Go: If he is truly your friend, you can still hang out with him. But don’t force a romantic relationship if he won’t budge.
Conclusion
Nobody wants to find out that the person they like only wants to be friends. But if you start recognizing these signs early, you can save yourself the pain of being ghosted or dumped later on down the road. It’s important to respect their boundaries if they make it clear they only want to be friends. But you also need to respect yourself and your own feelings by not settling for being someone’s just a friend.
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